Monday, 30 March 2015

Detachment Stage : love

Yesterday was spent at Matheran. You shall get to know soon why I was there and what for. But the point of this post being made is something which mattered to me in the current context of my life. 
I am an illiterate when it comes to dogs. I have realized I am one when it comes to human beings as well now. There is always a person who makes you feel that way at some point of your life then and now. 

But very few souls make you feel wanted and loved. Very few express their love and willingness to be with you. Some do it but are full of their own insecurities and call it just pure need. Some go one step further and term it as clingy behavior and an obsession when you ask for it. And then I met Charlie the white pup yesterday. 

I have always been good with dogs. And cats. And babies. Yes. Im sure a lot of people can relate to what I am saying here. Somehow we connect better with those who don't have the power to blabber too much or process very little. But mostly with those who just feel pure emotions. So when I was done spending some time at the sunset point, I was heading back to the open area where mules and tea shops and infinite number of monkeys had set up their base at. Where my newly made friends and team members were working on something. From a distance I saw this tiny little thing running towards us, chasing after a family who was very fancily doing their 'khachchar-rounds'. I don't know what came to my mind and the next instinct was to grab him. That moment onwards we were inseparable. People clicked his photos, took their photos with him, my group people made jokes about how he found his mother (me) and blah blah. It did this weird thing of stretching itself and sticking it's belly on the ground as if It was taking in all the warmth that the red laterite soiled earth had to offer. 

I got him to the hotel. Fed him hand-mashed biscuits. The pup slept on my arm with his face hidden under my elbow throughout a song performance and a magic show. We fed him some chicken and soggy roti. Some random uncle wanted to get his pictures clicked with him and was completely manhandling the baby. I obliged but after a point took the pup away as the baby was feeling uncomfortable. Annoying prick of an uncle that was. By this time he was named charlie by the people around ( I swear I wouldn't have let that happen had I been not busy with arranging for his dinner in the dining hall). So I made charlie sleep on a thick yet soft brown doormat and covered him with a thick turkish towel. He kept on waking up again and again. I kept on removing the army of tics on it again and again. It kept on shivering. I took it to the hall outside and made him sleep on a couch with his bedding intact. Finally not giving a fuck about whether he sleeps or not, whether the sounds disturb him or not, whether he gets scared or not. Clearly we both could not sleep. And the more I spent time with him the idea of not being able to adopt him became more and more painfully disturbing to me. By each and every passing moment I was being content with the presence of this creature in my life. So content that I din't feel the need to long for another person to be in it.  

I kept on wondering as to how really rescue this one. Whether I should leave it here or take it to my hostel and let it struggle along with the other dogs. Although the dogs in my campus are taken care of pretty well. But I don't want to take that step. For the first time I was in a situation to choose. Whether to take on someone's responsibility or leave just leave him behind, thinking life will take care of it. Mostly it's me whom people leave behind like that. But yes, coming back to my point, they are people. Flawed and over-processed people. Just like myself. 

A lot more had happened to me emotionally. Next morning when I was leaving for Pune I saw that Charlie wasn't there on his bed anymore. He must have been goofing around somewhere. I just kissed away his thoughts in my mind a goodbye. Since then I am avoiding all the possible interactions with dogs. Touching skinny ( our beloved young campus bitch) was relieving yet saddening. Now again my friend will be like "Why do you brood into negative spaces?" Well, maybe my mind loves doing that when I'm not feeling the love. And this I am saying when I have enough people in love who do love me, but I guess some of you reading this will realize what exactly I am talking about. 

Hoping to find him on my next visit to Matheran next month. Posting some pictures of the pup. And no I am not going to call him Charlie :-P   

Paw-ing around and earth-belly heat generation

friends from the group