Friday, 16 May 2014

Pune 411038

No good and enough pictures from Goa this time.
Writing due to lack of sleep.
Insomnia can be productive sometimes.
I think I am overestimating myself.
I forgot to wish a friend happy birthday.
And Im still just a friend and liability for someone very close.
I think I know way too many good people but just do not know how to use them for my benefit.
Had a month full of co-incidences. Self realization and more.
The shoot today was good.
Im not even very happy with my shoot in Goa this week.
But I met and spoke to more than two very good souls.
Letsee what happens at the editing table.

Im not allowed to fall in love. 
So now it is time to go back in disguise once again.
It is time to go back and become a rock again. 
Lives around me are collapsing, some are struggling to rise from the dust, some are already dust, and some are settling down back again on the ground after the process of loading. 
The feelings of distrust/betrayal/disloyalty etc are coming back.
Suspicion level is high once again. 
The judgement on life has already been passed. 
Once again there is negativity in the air. 
And they say it's all in the head. 
sshh!!!! Don't say all this on a public forum!
arrey arrey! talk to someone in private!
Oh please! Don't start whining all over again man!
Oh! Thankgod! It's a wake up call for you now finally! 
Fix that cycle. 
I think it's beyond repair. 
You owe your life to someone else and it is not yours. 
I want to make films. I want to make love. And kids maybe someday. 
I am also scared of immature kids stealing my stories. Hence I refrain from narrating it to them like an old granny. 
I don't miss mine. She is wicked. Never told me a single story. 
The night is bitter again. 
Somehow this part of Pune makes me write obnoxious stuff. 
Stuff nobody cares to read or reflect upon. 

It's a burden to love you. 
And it's even more painful to carry the burden of trying to accept myself all the time. 
Nothing happened. 
It's all so fragmented. This place is so fragmented. 
Loved and be alienated again. 
Measure everything and then control everything. 
Unconditional and Expectation can never go hand in hand. 
I don't think there were any mosquitos biting that night.
As much as they are biting now. 
Writing has gone beyond the highest limits of ambiguity now. 
Yes. This is indeed a rant of a misunderstood human being. 
And I empathize with all of you. 
Take care.